HOW IMPORTANT IS SEX?
How
important is sex in a marriage? According to researchers, sexless marriages are
a growing trend. A recent article in Newsweek attempted to
quantify the problem: "It is difficult to say exactly how many of the 113
million married Americans are too exhausted or too grumpy to get it on, but
some psychologists estimate that 15 to 20 percent of couples have sex no more
than 10 times a year, which is how the experts define sexless marriage."
So, what is going on? Contemporary society is drenched in
sexual imagery, from the raunchy rap lyrics and MTV scenes that are now an
accepted part of teenage culture, to the suggestive ads that fill every glossy
magazine, to the booming online porn industry. It would be easy to erroneously
assume that more of us are having more sex more of the time.
In her recent book, The Sex-Starved Marriage, author and
therapist Michele Weiner Davis, underscores the importance sex plays in a
healthy relationship: "When it's good, it offers couples opportunities to
give and receive physical pleasure, to connect emotionally and spiritually. It
builds closeness, intimacy and a sense of partnership. It defines their
marriage as different from all others. In short, sex is a powerful tie that
binds."
In other words, you don’t need sex, but your relationship does!
It is very difficult to have a deep connection, “oneness” with your
mate, without sexual intimacy. Chemistry plays a big role in sexual expression.
Oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and a host of endorphins make sex more powerful
than any drug. They combine to make what sex therapist Dr. Doug Weiss
calls the “sex glue” that strengthens your bond with your mate.
"Unsatisfying sexual relationships are the all-too-frequent causes of alienation, infidelity and divorce," says Weiner Davis. She contends that it isn't a matter of how often a couple has sex, but how satisfied both partners feel: "A sex-starved marriage is more about the fallout that occurs when one spouse is deeply unhappy with his/her sexual relationship and this unhappiness is ignored, minimized, or dismissed."
So,
it is extremely important that you and your mate prioritize and become
intentional about having satisfying sex in all stages of your relationship.
·
In
the beginning: While
the sex is so “hot” usually in the beginning, what is often neglected is the
development of the other kinds of intimacy that are so important to sustain a
relationship – emotional, intellectual, spiritual and financial intimacy.
·
After the birth of children: Research shows that marital satisfaction sharply declines
after the birth of a child. Couples who have healthy sexual chemistry
prioritize their relationship. They create a needed balance in their
lives and schedule quality time that doesn’t involve their new (or not so new)
bundle of joy.
·
In the
“busy” years: Life can
become so busy during the years of building a career and raising a family that
sexual intimacy gets pushed to the bottom of the list and others things take
priority. This is detrimental to a relationship and it is easy to become
disconnected roommates instead of intimate lovers.
·
In the
empty nest years: Often as
couples begin the transition to the empty nest, their bodes are also
transitioning into the next stage as well!
Menopause and the changing of hormonal levels
in both men and women bring changes in sexual drive and energy as well as in
physiology. It is important that you remain intentional about your sexual
intimacy by consulting with a physician and doing whatever is necessary to
navigate through these changes. Sexual intimacy can and will grow deeper and
more fulfilling through these changes if you will be intentional and continue
to lovingly communicate with your partner. It is important to continue to
nourish your intimacy, not only sexually, but in all other ways as well, so
that you don’t reach the empty nest stage with someone who has become a virtual
stranger!
Keep sex
and your relationship a priority and be intentional about your intimacy. If you do, you both can enjoy satisfying sex
throughout all the years of your relationship.
Let LoveRecon Seminars and Recon Coaching help!
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